Parenting is a huge responsibility. It comes with no blueprints. You have to do it the way you think is best for you and your child.
All is well and good till the child behaves like you want. But what happens when he doesn’t?
Children have the habit of testing the patience of their parents. If we say no to a particular thing, then that thing has to be done 324789 times more, till the parent snaps and loses their temper. Then come the waterworks. And the ubiquitous parental guilt. The one that is forever hovering above our shoulders, waiting to offload its entire weight over us.
Sounds familiar? It happens many times, more than you like. And it happens in a second. One moment you are fine, the next, you’ve snapped.
What if we said that you can raise your children in a stress-free way? Would you believe us?
It is true, though. This particular parenting method is called positive parenting, and it helps raising confident and sensitive children. It is tough, as all good things are, but at the end of the journey, you are rewarded with a well behaved child and a controlled blood pressure.
Positive parenting also helps children in ways you cannot imagine. They are happy, so they perform better at school and in play. They are more social and are popular among their peers. They are empathetic and kind. They are more vocal about their problems and can express what is bothering them freely.
Doesn’t it sound great? Well then, here are some tips for you to start practicing positive parenting right away.
Start regulating your emotions
Most outbursts happen because YOU are upset. You may be upset due to a variety of reasons – illness, fights in the family, depression or anything that upsets the delicate balance with which you run your life. For positive parenting to work successfully, you must start continuously monitoring your moods and reactions. It will take some practice, but in time, you can do it. Keep a picture of what type of parent you aspire to be in your mind. When you are about to blow a fuse, remember how you would like to see yourself. This is a major step in recognizing triggers and avoiding them. It might take time and patience, but it is really worth it, not only for interactions with your child, but also for other dealings
Develop a close bond with your child
If you are connected to your child emotionally, there is no separate need for you to “discipline” them. Children who feel their parents are connected to them seldom misbehave. Misbehaviour is a manifestation of a child seeking attention. If you love your child no matter what, your child will always look for ways to please you. Talk to them, when they come to confidence their fears or doubts to you, give them a patient ear. The results may not be immediately visible, but you will see your children’s true nature soon.
Punishment does not always yield desired results, and your child may eventually drift away. Punishment, paradoxically, also leads to more misbehaviour. Shouting, hitting or even time out serves no other purpose than to antagonize your child and maybe, stoke your ego. In the long run, however, the status quo remains as is. When you sense that you are at the brink of losing your temper, just leave the place and give yourself some time to cool down. Take deep breaths and count to 10. These simple exercises help you calm down and stop you from doing things or saying words that can permanently damage the relationship between you and your child.
Set limits with empathy
When you are dealing with a child, you have to get down to their level, both literally and figuratively. When your child starts misbehaving, kneel in front of them, look into their eyes, and calmly tell them what is bothering you. You could also offer them an option to release their pent-up anger and frustration, so that they don’t get back to their old ways as soon as your back is turned.
Raising a child is not easy. It takes a village to do it. It becomes especially difficult, when you are feeling vulnerable.
Give yourself some TLC and a bit of leniency. Because you deserve it. And because no one is perfect, but you are on the way there.