Why do you need good comebacks? There are some who live their lives the way they want and are least interested in other people’s lifestyle. And then, there are some..
I really believe that God has given a few people extra long noses just so that they can poke it in other people’s lives. Such people know everything about everyone. You do not need to get a newspaper daily. These nosey parkers are your news correspondents. Most of the time, the news you get is warbled or is an inference of their own observations.
Right from what Ms. N wore to what Mrs. A cooked for lunch, they have all the news. Unfortunately, these unpaid newsreaders have the habit of commenting on your ways of living as well.
If you are anything like me, you cannot think of a quick comeback to a critical remark. My comebacks usually occur to me nearly 2 days later and in the middle of the night.
So for such lost souls, I’ve compiled a few good, cutting comebacks you can use in various situations and come up on top!
“Didn’t your mother teach you how to cook?”
Generally said by the husband or the mother-in-law. Or a nosey neighbour. This hurts a lot because not only does it degrade your cooking skills, but also pulls in your mother in the insult. This sentence is used as a weapon in many homes to keep the son’s wife under control. The idea that the woman, that too the new daughter-in-law, has to cook is the baseline for such statements.
The best response to this, in my opinion, is “Did you teach your son to unhook a bra? He learned it himself, didn’t he? Similarly, I can learn cooking on my own. Till then, why don’t you cook?”
“You look fat!”
I have generally noticed that when a woman walks through a door, people first comment on her appearance. “You have lost weight!” or “You have become fatter. It seems you are happy in the marriage!” are some of the most common thing people say.
Folks, do you really believe that commenting on a woman’s weight is justified? If you feel she’s unhealthily fat, take her aside and give her some good advice instead of pointing out the obvious in front of everyone. It makes the lady uncomfortable and makes you uncool.
But here’s the comeback for someone who says you look fat. “You know why I’m fat? Because I ate the last person who called me fat!”
I have worn glasses since I was 9. It wasn’t because I wanted to look cool (glasses weren’t cool in that era). It was because it was a necessity. And how could others help it? By rubbing it in my face, of course! Didn’t work in developing my self-esteem.
Even now, I see a trend of bullying people wearing glasses, especially those in highschool and junior college. “Chashmish,” “soda glass,” “scholar,” “geek/nerd,” and “four-eyes” are some words associated with bespectacled people.
You know what you should say to such people? “I can see quite clearly now. And do you know what I see 20 years ahead? I see you being an a-hole just as you are now!” I really wish I had come up with this when I was younger!
“You are going to go bald!”
As if seeing your comb full of hair wasn’t enough, there is someone who is interested in commenting on it and increasing your misery. Yes, going bald is a real fear many women have, thanks. No need to rub it in.
But some people just cannot keep their mouths shut. “The more hair I lose, the more brains I get,” or “No hair? I don’t care!” are good comebacks guaranteed to wipe off the smirk of the person’s face.
“How old are you?”
It is no one’s business to know your age (except your doctor, maybe). But some gossipers want to know everything – your age, height, weight, your birth place, whether you have a horoscope, what your siblings do, your future plans, next meal included. Then they judge you.
Age is the most common topic of passing judgement. Either you look too young or too old. You might look older than your spouse or might look as your child’s elder sister.
So the next time someone asks your age, “385 months, 13 days, 2 hours and 16 minutes,” should shut them up properly.
I really hope these comebacks help you tackle the nosey gossipmongers found everywhere. Keep these in your arsenal ready to throw out when the time comes. In fact, if you have some already in your kitty, share them with us! We’d love to be well stocked!
Coz your life has to be your choice!